That's all I've been hearing the last few days. The two smallest are sick. Sick enough to be off school, but not sick enough to quit fighting and arguing and shouting for me, unfortunately. I prefer the sort of sickness where they are laying quietly on the sofa sleeping all day.
I'm one of seven children ( imagine that ), and when I was little my Mother frequently used to lock us out of the house all day, particularly during the long summer holidays, and can you blame her ? When we wanted a drink/wee/something to eat, we used to have to crouch down and shout through the letter-box to ask if we could come in. This request was normally met with a reply of
' Mum's bum ' or
' Mother's Ass ' or
' You bloody kids give my ass a headache ' ( I never figured that one out until I grew up and had kids of my own, and then it all became crystal clear).
My Mum is 83 now and she still swears like a trouper and behaves very inappropriately. The kids think she's hilarious. One day, when I'm feeling brave, I'll share with you the rude rhymes she's taught them.
Anyway, *amazingly* I have managed to do a little bit of crafting. I spent last night sewing the binding on to Molly's quilt that has taken me over 4 years to make.
This is the first big quilt I've ever started and finished, and quite possibly it'll be the last. Let's just say you are not going to be getting any close up shots. There are so many mistakes I wouldn't know where to start, but it looks just fine from a distance.
Unforunately, I don't have a 'Thomas' - in house colorist extraordinaire, to give me advice like Jane does ( I've tried offering her a swap - two of my children for one of hers but she's having none of it), so I made it up as I went along. If I try to plan things out I get in a tizzy-wizzy about not repeating patterns, and balance and stuff, my brain just doesn't seem to work that way, so I wing it - with mixed results.
Luckily, I like how this has turned out, I like the way deeper valued squares seem to have gravitated towards each other to make lines and shapes ( even though I seem to remember I was trying to avoid that happening), and I like the random-ness of it. I do like a bit of random in everything, so this quilt suits me just fine.
And the poorly girl seems to like it,
she's been snugged up today with Poorly Martin. I never showed you Poorly Martin's *piece de resistance* for cheering up sick children did I ?
Probably because, back then, I'd only just started my blog and I was trying to fool you all into thinking I was a nice, genteel English girl. Obviously, I didn't manage to keep up that pretence for long anyway, so I'll leave you with Poorly Martin..
the
bottom flasher.
Bad boy Martin !
I love Martin, the cheeky chappy! Do you mean to say when you first started blogging you put on your telephone voice? I am surprised at you!
And, I know you can see every missed bit, frayed patch or little error in the quilt but may I say, from my distance it looks gorgeous and I don't think in years to come your kids will look at it and say "Mum made so many mistakes in that quilt, didn't she?" It's more likely to be "Mum loved us enough to make that quilt for us." Mind you, you may have to pop your clogs first, like Van Gogh, before your true genius is recognised.
Posted by: Angel Jem | February 01, 2007 at 02:49 PM
HAHAHA! Martin the bum flasher made my day, thank you and hope your clan are feeling much better soon.
Posted by: Zoe | February 01, 2007 at 02:55 PM
He is too funny, and your little girl is too sweet! I love the quilt. I think it's wonderful.
Posted by: Carrie | February 01, 2007 at 02:59 PM
your quilt is beautiful. i was admiring
how it appeared to be random and then
continued reading on to find out that you
truly did create it randomly. i love the
outcome. and that poorly martin guy
is pretty great too.
Posted by: kristin | February 01, 2007 at 03:00 PM
Toot sweet I love it all I so much enjoy your blog. The little bum is the best. I had a doll as a child that had a squishy bum and that was so one of my favorite dolls.
Posted by: melissa | February 01, 2007 at 03:16 PM
Toot sweet. I love it all and I so much enjoy your blog. The little bum is the best. I had a doll as a child that had a squishy bum and that was so one of my favorite dolls.
Posted by: melissa | February 01, 2007 at 03:17 PM
sorry for the double post!lol
Posted by: melissa | February 01, 2007 at 03:18 PM
Your mum sounds excellent, very much like my nan when I was a kid, she also taught me allsorts or rude rhythms and jokes.
She was great fun.
I have added you to my blogroll.
Racheal x
Posted by: Racheal | February 01, 2007 at 03:32 PM
This post made my day. I'm going to be smiling all day thinking of Poorly Martin and his little pink bum.
Posted by: autum | February 01, 2007 at 03:34 PM
Lyn- I love ya. Thanks for always bring a smile to my day. Martin is so wonderful, and something your children will remember forever! I don't think he's a cheeky monkey- I think you are!
p.s. the quilt is beautiful.:)
Posted by: tyn | February 01, 2007 at 03:38 PM
...i just love how your sense of humor seems to come out in all of your pieces. The little bum is wonderful, as is the quilt. OH, and do share those naughty rhymes sometime as my naughty mind would surely savor them.
Posted by: Stacy | February 01, 2007 at 03:46 PM
I love those kind of mothers. I felt better about my own status as a mother after reading David Sedaris. He loved his mom and she wasn't g-rated either.
Hurray for quilts with mistakes! Just like some moms.
Posted by: Old Round | February 01, 2007 at 03:47 PM
My Mother used to lock us out of the house when we lived in California, there were 4 of us and we didn't want to leave the air conditioning, especially on days when it was so hot the roads were starting to melt! She did let us in to use the toilet or get a drink though! :o)
Posted by: Anna | February 01, 2007 at 03:50 PM
This whole post made me laugh outloud. Thank you!
Posted by: Perch Home | February 01, 2007 at 03:51 PM
Gorgeous quilt, gorgeous bum! I've got a little one at home sick today too. Thanks as always for the chuckle, I needed it.
Posted by: Blair | February 01, 2007 at 03:53 PM
First of all your quilt is extraordinary, just because it's handmade with love, and you make me laugh...Your mother...your childhood...your children...and at least Martin....thank you :D
Posted by: Christelle | February 01, 2007 at 03:57 PM
Your mother "behaving inappropriately" cracks me up. Almost more than the butt on Martin. LOL
Posted by: Sarah | February 01, 2007 at 04:01 PM
I think I need a Poorly Martin too!
Posted by: Kristy | February 01, 2007 at 04:03 PM
i love martin! when i was little i had a baby doll whose bum could be exposed and she was may favorite, mostly because of her bum.
Posted by: risa | February 01, 2007 at 04:29 PM
I remember being locked out of the house too, ahh the good ole days! Social Services spoil everything these days.
I think the quilt is gorgeous, this is just the sort of quilt I have fantasized about ever since I had a daughter. I picture it in a lovely white washed room with lots of pretty things on wooden shelves (nothing like the Polly Pocket strewn minefield that my daughter actually sleeps in). It has that lovely vintagey look already, beautful.
And as for Martin! Thanks for the chuckles, not what I was expecting as I scrolled down the page.
Posted by: Rebecca | February 01, 2007 at 04:30 PM
Oh my heck... Martin is killing me!
Posted by: Amy | February 01, 2007 at 04:32 PM
I shall look forward to more of this from you; as you continue to entertain us all as you come out of the blogcloset... Tell us all the dirty jokes and things, PLEAAZEEE!
The quilt is quite lovely and please do send a kiss to Molly for speedy recovery--Billy too. Poor Billy--How come we never get to see Billy? Oh, and I do need those stats on Molly--ASAP!!!!
Oh and Thanks for the chuckle.
Posted by: theresa | February 01, 2007 at 04:36 PM
I love the way your post begins with references to your Mum's bum and ends with another bit of rudeness.
Lovely quilt. Tom would approve, too.
Posted by: Jane | February 01, 2007 at 05:17 PM
this post made me laugh out loud. just imagining you yelling thru the slot, and your mom's reaction. and so glad to know i am not the only one that has a mom who swears like a sailor.
i have a quilt i have been "working" on for 4 years and I just can not finish it. you are giving me hope that one day i might. and i think your quilt is gorgeous!
okay, and the bum flashing is just awesome.
Posted by: brandie | February 01, 2007 at 05:20 PM
Fabulous, fabulous quilt. And I *love* Poorly Martin!!
Posted by: earthchick | February 01, 2007 at 05:24 PM
How funny, just the kind of thing that endears a toy to a child. I hope everyone is feeling better soon.
Posted by: Mama Urchin | February 01, 2007 at 05:26 PM
The quilt is gorgeous and you are a very funny lady!(Ha ha - that is)
Posted by: suze | February 01, 2007 at 05:28 PM
I love that quilt. It has a wonderful vintage look to it, which is so hard to achieve. I have really lost my patience with quilts that are too neat and too perfect - to me, that's just not a quilt.
Posted by: jennicakes | February 01, 2007 at 05:35 PM
Oh! That is too much! I absolutely love it! My oldest is home sick as well and I just showed her the photos of Poorly Martin and now she wants to see it again and again. We've all decided we need one too. "Oh dear."?! What a brilliant idea! That beyond tops my husbands flasher t-shirt. Thanks for making us smile :)
Posted by: tifanie | February 01, 2007 at 05:38 PM
That's adorable.
So is the quilt, really. I like random too, and I think that if there are a few mistakes in it, all the better. That's what makes them precious. If you wanted perfection, you could buy them machine-made from a store. But when you know something is lovingly hand-made, it has a lot more value.
Posted by: Jay | February 01, 2007 at 05:48 PM
I love the quilt. I think you did a great job in selecting the fabrics. She looks so cozy under it!
Posted by: Melissa | February 01, 2007 at 06:13 PM
The quilt is wonderful! I would love to tackle something that big some day.
I will have to try "Mom's bum" with my son. And Martin can flash me anytime!
Posted by: myra | February 01, 2007 at 06:45 PM
I've only just found you, even though I know now you're already a big superstar in the world of blogging. I think your mother sounds absolutely hilarious and I do hope you share the naughty rhymes. Martin is the absolutely most hilarious thing I've ever read/seen and I will have to make one for my boys, they will positively 'wee' with laughter!
Posted by: kerflop | February 01, 2007 at 06:50 PM
Martin is a cheely fellow, isn't he?! Love him! And now I'm all curious to read those rhymes.
Posted by: Passions & Distractions | February 01, 2007 at 07:01 PM
the quilt is beautiful and martin has me laughing out loud! you funny girl - sounds to me like you get it from your mother.
Posted by: erin | February 01, 2007 at 07:04 PM
Our Moms should get together and swap 'swear words that confuse small children'. Now, as a mother myself I realize that my mom was probably just trying to make me shut up for 5 seconds!
Poor Martin is after my own warped little heart! A nice full moon can cheer us all up.
Molly's four year quilt was worth waiting for! It's too pretty to have mistakes; that's when I whip out the word "Charm".
Love the "Tizzy-Wizzy"!! Can I steal that for a Lumpling name?
Amy Rue
Posted by: amy rue | February 01, 2007 at 07:04 PM
The quilt is lovely. You've done a great job....and as for poor martin...he is just a scream! Thanks for giving me an early morning chuckle! Great way to start the day!
Posted by: Di | February 01, 2007 at 07:49 PM
That's hilarious! I love it!!
Posted by: angela | February 01, 2007 at 07:54 PM
Martin is hilarious. I love him!
I have had a dream to make a quilt like that for my two (Two - like i could even manage one) but i think it will stay as a dream. I like projects i can finish in a weekend 'cos i'm so impatient.
Never mind the fact i've never made a quilt in my life before and couldn't possibly entertain the idea of doing a smaller one as practice.
Setting myself up for a disappointment, you bet'cha!
Hope the littlies recover soon.
Posted by: Nicki | February 01, 2007 at 08:26 PM
Love the quilt! Wonderful, silly softie!
Posted by: Kristin | February 01, 2007 at 08:45 PM
I love the quilt and the bottom is just fab! Do you secretely put them on all your polite looking toys?
Posted by: vicky | February 01, 2007 at 08:50 PM
Poorly Martin...hee, hee, hee!
Posted by: Jo | February 01, 2007 at 08:57 PM
I just found this via kerflop and I'm DYING LAUGHING!
Hysterical!
I may have to copy you - flattery and all.
Posted by: OMSH | February 01, 2007 at 09:17 PM
Oh my! I followed a link from Kerflop and I'm glad I did! I don't know which is funnier - "Mum's Bum" or Martin's bum!
Posted by: sherry | February 01, 2007 at 09:19 PM
Aw Gawd, I had forgotten those things Mum used to say. She is a shocker. That and the answer "it's up in Annie's room behind the wallpaper" when you asked "Mum, where is my doll/book/ball/bag etc.."
Posted by: Kay | February 01, 2007 at 09:22 PM
"it's up in Annie's room behind the wallpaper"? *snort*
WHY DIDN'T I EVER THINK OF THAT?
I cannot handle this much hilarity in one day.
Posted by: kerflop | February 01, 2007 at 09:33 PM
Great quilt. It looks lovely and snuggly. My husband's mom seems fairly conservative, or at least she seemed that way to me until I heard her say the following rhyme, "Rabbit, rabbit! Let's play rabbit! I'll sh*t and you grab it!" I was shocked! My MIL had a potty mouth. Also, love, love, love the Martin bum. Especially the "oh dear" part. Haha! It's terrific!
Posted by: carolb | February 01, 2007 at 09:40 PM
I think Martin is quite fantastic! I want one too - surely that would cheer me up on dreary winter days.
And I think you're quite right, when you become a mum yourself, the meaning of "giving my ass a headache" is quite clear. But here's a stumper: I had an uncle who claimed my cousin (his daughter) would give "a DOG's ass the heartburn"....that one, I've not figured out yet, (maybe it's some crazy Canadian saying?) - but I've a feeling your mum would approve.
Hope the sickies are better soon!
Posted by: Fabricated Goddess | February 01, 2007 at 09:59 PM
you are too funny! i love that quilt and martin, what a great idea!
Posted by: Veronica TM | February 01, 2007 at 10:00 PM
IMG!!!! Martin's bum shot made my day...that is too funny! I even made my husband come over to see!
That quilt is so beautiful...what a lucky girl.
Hope the kiddies feel better soon.
Posted by: Dana | February 01, 2007 at 10:02 PM
Kay > Do you think I should tell them about 'skimps' ?
Is it too soon ?
Posted by: lyn | February 01, 2007 at 10:45 PM
Actually you seem like a real nice, genteel English girl and soo funny!
Hope the little darlings are better soon.
Posted by: carolyn | February 01, 2007 at 11:22 PM
Hehehe... bum-lookers!
Posted by: *jenny | February 01, 2007 at 11:26 PM
Priceless and your mum sounds like a scream.x
Posted by: Fran | February 01, 2007 at 11:32 PM
Oooh classic stuff. Thanks for the giggle.
Posted by: Nicole | February 01, 2007 at 11:38 PM
Martin has a very funny bum, although I won't tell you what I thought it was at first.
Lovely quilt :)
Posted by: theotherbear | February 02, 2007 at 12:04 AM
That is hilarious! My kids would love it.
The quilt is darling. Soft colors, not too "girly" and nicely random. I know what you mean about getting too fussy with placement. It can be really frustrating.
Posted by: Elizabeth | February 02, 2007 at 01:09 AM
*laughs* Great quilt! Gawd, I hear all these quilting people saying that their quilts are full of mistakes, and I'm like "dude, you made a freakin' quilt! You stuck with it and there it is!" I just don't have what it takes in me. Yours is pretty, so so pretty.
Your mum rocks! I bet she's a total hoot!
Posted by: Shell | February 02, 2007 at 01:27 AM
I particularly love the "do not lift" sign on Poorly Martin's derriere - how could you resist that invitation?
Posted by: Gabrielle | February 02, 2007 at 02:18 AM
Well, the flap did have a warning attached to it, curious cats beware! :) The bum is too cute, by the way.
Posted by: Amy N. | February 02, 2007 at 02:46 AM
I don't know what is better Martin or the quilt.
The quilt is gorgeous. Really wonderful. Honest.
And Martin is fantastic and hilarious. Great job!!
Posted by: Rebecca. | February 02, 2007 at 03:53 AM
That is sooooo cute, the butt I mean. I love the quilt too.
Posted by: nimbleknot | February 02, 2007 at 05:14 AM
great post! the quilt is lovely, and Martin is a "crack-up".
Posted by: vicki | February 02, 2007 at 05:20 AM
I am laughing and sighing at the peaceful babe. and laughing. What a great Post.. Your Mum is hilarious!!
Posted by: Vanessa | February 02, 2007 at 05:54 AM
Haha!
I love how you get wry wit into your crafting
Posted by: Carson | February 02, 2007 at 06:39 AM
what a fabulous start to my day your blog is! laugh, yep I did (and still am) cheers!!
Posted by: margaret | February 02, 2007 at 08:29 AM
little martin and his cheeky surprised made me smile too. and really like the quilt.
Posted by: samantha | February 02, 2007 at 10:23 AM
Your quilt is beautiful. They always look so much better when they are quilted, and I love the fabrics, I'm sure it will be well used and well loved.
Lesley
Posted by: Lesley McCormick | February 02, 2007 at 10:43 AM
This made my day, and it also made me spit out my coffee laughing. Love Martin :)
Posted by: cecilie | February 02, 2007 at 10:49 AM
On I'm liking Martin!!!
I have a very sweary Mum too, isn't it great! She makes grown men blush with her sweariness!
Great Quilt too, its the type thats going to get even better with age!
Posted by: Sarah | February 02, 2007 at 10:52 AM
You are a blast! I had to laugh out loud, you are so funny! Poorly Martin is too sweet. Of course you will have to tell us about 'skimps' now - and all the rest... And that quilt is lovely of course - I really enjoy reading your blog!
Posted by: Christine | February 02, 2007 at 11:01 AM
I simply adore that quilt. And don't worry about the mistakes - I don't think a quilt is 'real' unless it has at least one obvious error in it. Or that's what I keep telling myself so that I learn to like the flaws in my own quilts.
Posted by: Tanya | February 02, 2007 at 01:32 PM
Cheeky monkey. You are so funny. I love Martin--and my son loved it too (he's 3.5 yrs). I may have to make one for the kiddos. He's been known to flash his butt and say "Butt-crack, Mommy! Butt-crack!" Very innocent since he is really only showing his training pants (doesn't quite get it yet). It doesn't help that my hubby is guilty of teaching all things butt related.
Your mother sounds like a riot. She a woman after my own heart---I swear like a sailor too. I imagine that seeing an innocent 83 year old woman blurt out "Mother's Ass" is pretty hilarious.
Posted by: Sharon | February 02, 2007 at 02:51 PM
ha ha!, I can see you will have to keep your eye on poorly martin:0
Posted by: Elly | February 02, 2007 at 03:15 PM
Oh! Oh! I love the bum!! You should see my attempts at quilting, the most recent one started unraveling from the middle-argh!
Posted by: Michelle | February 02, 2007 at 03:44 PM
Love the story of your Mum and yelling through the letter box. Wonderful memories ...
Posted by: Carol | February 02, 2007 at 06:43 PM
Oh, dear - Ha!
Posted by: Heather Bailey | February 02, 2007 at 07:36 PM
My first visit and you are too funny. And that goes for your mum too.
Posted by: Michelle | February 02, 2007 at 10:39 PM
I think I would become a world-class malingerer if it meant that I got to snuggle up with the cheeky Poorly Martin. I love, Love, LOVE him...
So sorry you've got ailing cranky small ones. Sending "feel better soon" vibes your way...
Posted by: LLA | February 03, 2007 at 12:01 AM
Well, it's happened. Someone has written my favorite blog post ever. I was waiting for that. Thank you.
Posted by: Alicia P. | February 03, 2007 at 12:14 AM
Have I told you lately that I love you?
Now that I know you (my crafty-mentor!) does this, then I will feel ok about what I aaaalways want to do on the little creatures I make for my friends and their babes; after all, I give them belly-buttons, why not bums?
Lyn, you're the best. I hope the little ones feel better soon and that you all have a lovely weekend.
Love, your friend in Cali.
xxoo
Posted by: Anna H. | February 03, 2007 at 12:24 AM
skimps? Oh yes, we are quite ready to hear about "skimps". DO TELL.
Posted by: theresa | February 03, 2007 at 01:14 AM
I'm sick and I would love a little Martin to cheer me up! Simply gorgeous.
As for the quilt, I'm getting itchy to give one a try, but I want to make one just like yours. It is simply gorgeous (and I'm sure it's only the creator that sees the mistakes!). Not sure if I have the patience though.
Love your blog, hope the kidlets get better soon.
Posted by: Georgia | February 03, 2007 at 08:11 PM
That is too funny...
Hope everyone is feeling better!
Posted by: Becca | February 03, 2007 at 08:55 PM
This is a wonderful post, it made me squeal with laughter!
Posted by: BrownPants | February 04, 2007 at 09:54 AM
Poorly Martin is fantastic! I hope your littlies feel better soon.
Posted by: Nichola | February 04, 2007 at 10:00 AM
Oh I love your bottom flasher! The bum is perfect! hope your little one feels better soon, how could she not with a lovely quilt and a Martin to cuddle
Posted by: Sara | February 04, 2007 at 12:55 PM
i loved that post!
:)
;)
Posted by: planeta hilda | February 04, 2007 at 01:48 PM
That quilt is lovely!
My little girl loves Poorly Martin. She wants to know how you made him. I told her it looked like you used felt and a great sense of humor!
I hope your babies are feeling better soon.
Posted by: lynn | February 05, 2007 at 02:09 AM
What a gorgeous quilt. Love the length. Martin almost made me choke on my tongue :-)
Posted by: nuttnbunny | February 05, 2007 at 02:10 AM
Your mom is freakin' hilarious! I'm just glad someone else admits to being a 'mom who cusses'...I thought I was the CEO, President and only member of that club!
The quilt is GORGEOUS!!! And Poorly Martin? roflmaooooooo!!!
Posted by: Lauri | February 05, 2007 at 04:10 PM
you're cracking me up :) poorly martin just brightened my day with his little booty. good luck getting those kids back up and at 'em and out of your hair, girl. xo.
Posted by: erin michelle | February 05, 2007 at 11:39 PM
hi, could you please email me? I am having trouble using the "email me" link you have. I have some questions for you. Love your creations!
Thanks.
Posted by: shontelle | February 06, 2007 at 06:02 AM
oops, my email is:
[email protected]
Thanks.
Posted by: shontelle | February 06, 2007 at 06:03 AM
Lyn you crack me up! (no pun intended)
Posted by: africankelli | February 06, 2007 at 06:24 PM
Aha, the magical parenting technique known around my way as "benign neglect" - less popular these days than it was. I hope Molly is feeling better and Martin is not feeling too drafty. And your quilt looks SMASHING.
Posted by: Kitty Jimjams | February 06, 2007 at 07:40 PM
ooh i love poorlys little bum! what a clever lady you are. teehee
Posted by: susan sobon | February 06, 2007 at 09:08 PM
ooh i love poorlys little bum! what a clever lady you are. teehee
Posted by: susan sobon | February 06, 2007 at 09:09 PM
Absolutely love your page and your perspective on life! Oh and the lovely quilt and especially Martin! Hope Molly feels better soon. Drop by and see me sometime, I think we're kindred spirits!
Posted by: Marie | February 07, 2007 at 07:38 AM
Just making it a round 100...
Posted by: Jane | February 07, 2007 at 08:34 AM